Mixed Emotions On a Christmas Season

As I remember it right, it was also on a December. It was one cool December night, just a few days more before the year 2000. There I was, a 14-year-old boy lying on my bed, so quiet and so still. Back then, it seemed to me that the night was so peaceful and so calm.

Reminiscing, I was surprised to remember that even as young as 14, thoughts of the future had troubled my heart so much at that time. Vaguely in my memory, I remember I was crying my heart out at that night for the fear of the coming "Millennium Bug". This train of thoughts haunted me that night:

• What if ALL of the computers shutdown because of the "Y2K" or "Millennium Bug", then ALL computer systems (including airport system, factories, malls, etc.) will shutdown too...
• What if businesses shutdown, then life will be so miserable...
• What if life becomes so miserable, then my life will be ended so early...
• What if my life ends abruptly, then I will not be able to meet my future wife...
• What if I and my wife will not meet, then we will not have children...
• What if we won't have any child, then those happy moments having picnics on the park will not happen...

In the midst of the calmness of the night, I remember crying so bitterly that I couldn't remember if my "silent cry" had not become silent at all... (I don't normally cry loud though.)


I remember saying this prayer amidst my cry, "Lord, please allow me to live after this Y2K thing..."


It is now December 23, on the year 2011, almost 11 years have past. Looking back, I now remember those happy times of growing up with my supportive family, and even memories of my "childhood crushes" have been bombarding me too! Along with those great and enjoyable memories, I also remember those ugly decisions that I made, people that I might have hurt because of my insensitivity, and those things I have done of which I am not proud of...


Above all these mixed emotions, a feeling of great contentment has filled my heart.

God really is the BEST! Of all those years, I could not remember even just one moment when He has abandoned me - even on those times when I was so stubborn...


I could say now that I could not ask for anything more...
The fact that Jesus has been my ever Best Friend, my Savior, my Lord, my Father (especially during those times when my dad was abroad), my Healer when I was hurt, my ever-reliable Companion on my darkest times....

I could not ask for more - my job, my income, my family, my friends, these are all mere bonuses!

Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 says:
"I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil-this is the gift of God."

Friend, your life is a gift from God!

Proverbs 3:5-6 says:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

© 2011 Erickson Ibana