I happened to see one, ordinary, little, white plastic bag drifting away above the trees while having my cool-down stretching just a while ago. "How I wish to be like that thing...", I murmured myself as I watch it float carelessly and freely along the airs of a busy street. That little thing doesn't worry about anything else. Neither it needs to find food to live nor it has to work just to earn for its family. It doesn't have to worry about its past, nor its future. It doesn't have to concern itself whether it has hurt someone before or will hurt someone later. At that time, all it did was to drift itself with the cool winds of Makati.
But, what if I really am like that? No emotions - so that I won't be hurt anymore; no dreams - so that striving hard wouldn't be a problem anymore; or no free will - so that I won't hurt others and my God anymore, doing everything in His way without my weak and stubborn self interfering.
Hmm.. why am I really awarded with this free will? So that I could satisfy every wants and cravings in my own way? But, why am I feeling empty afterward? This verse popped out of my day-dreaming mind.
"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" Mark 8:36
Indeed, I have this free will not to gratify myself with the things of the world. These are all empty happiness, and just bring hollow and devoid concept of success!
How would I face these worries and present troubles then? Should I cease to strive hard for a living? Should I end up meeting with people so that I wouldn't hurt them anymore? Or should I succumb once again to this erstwhile cocoon of mine so that I would be hurt no-more?
"Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4
I barely forgot, my God knows everything in me - even He knows me better than I know myself. He knows what I need. He knows what my heart truly desires.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10
